“I’ve always liked moonless nights best. It’s easier to say things in the dark. It’s easier to be yourself.”— Patrick Rothfuss (via quotemadness)
In 2017 I met this older man whose wisdom on life and love I should’ve taken more to heart at the time. I had just turned 21 and was heading back to college in NYC – waiting tirelessly for my suitcase to come down the line at JFK. I remember I was feeling moody because flying always does that to me. But I vividly remember texting you when I landed because I had been gone for a month home in Florida and really wanted to see you as soon as I returned. But as per usual, I was given an excuse. I honestly don’t even remember what it was but it was probably something about you doing some work or you were probably hanging out with someone who always had your attention more than I did.
As I was waiting this old man was standing quietly next to me and somehow we started chatting. He told me I look a little younger than his daughter and that she had just gotten married recently. He was so excited about it. Then he proceeded to give me some of the best advice on love that I would ever receive. And at the moment my heart should’ve listened. And looking back I could cry because this man was so right. He was so spot on about what I was dealing with as a 21 year old in-love in New York with someone who didn’t love me back. He told me that men will always take and never give. Especially when we’re young. He told me that I should always put everything I have into myself and not into someone else because at the end of the day, the love I give to myself will only help me grow. Instead of being broken by someone who can’t accept my love. And I just stood there. I couldn’t believe that this man who had no idea who I was —and no idea about what I was going through in my relationship —was so spot on. In the beginning of 2017, it was the beginning of the end. I would tirelessly text you to make plans and would never be made a priority. I would pour my entire self into you no matter how much you pulled away. And I look back at the girl that I was and I’m so angry with her. I’m so angry for letting you get away with making me feel the way you did.
But I’m also so thankful that you did. Because it made me realize that nothing (an no one) is perfect. No matter how we make that person out to be in our mind. We can give endless amounts of love and affection and support, but if the person on the receiving end doesn’t want to take in all that you are, and all that you have to offer, then your efforts will go unnoticed. And you’ll be in this constant cycle with yourself.
I wish I could have known more about this old man and his wisdom. I wish I could go back and thank him.
“Leave the door open for the unknown, the door into the dark. That’s where the most important things come from, where you yourself came from, and where you will go.”— Rebecca Solnit (via quotemadness)
